Finding Meaning in Midlife

Origins of Quiet Alchemy Space

Apr 08, 2025

"It wasn't the hot flashes or the reading glasses that marked my entry into midlife—it was the moment I realized I could no longer ignore the quiet voice asking, 'What now?'"

My children needed me less. My body was changing in ways I hadn't anticipated. My career felt overwhelming and underwhelming, at the same time. And somewhere in the noise of daily life, I'd lost the thread of my own story.

Maybe you've felt it too.

That sense that you're standing at a threshold – not young anymore, but not old either. So much experience, but questioning its meaning and even its worth. Accomplished in many ways, yet wondering what comes next. And, unsure of who you really are or who you want to become…again.

A Transformative Decision

I made a drastic decision that affected my family (at first in a scary way and then the flood of hope, connection, support, and love flowed after). I left my full time position as a school administrator. The fear came from the initial uncertainty, but the path to joy was in my availability and new found worth.

I didn’t just leave my job, I began a path that I had always dreamed of taking - getting my doctorate. I was all in and hooked during those first few weeks of reading for my classes. Transformative learning was the first concept I encountered in my reading that literally stopped my breath. I remember sitting on my back porch feeling amazed that I had/was allowed time to learn something just for myself. I read how Jack Mezirow began to see and understand changes in his wife when she went back to school in midlife. Mezirow’s transformative learning theory posits that one acquires new information while reassessing existing knowledge and worldview through critical reflection. This process extends beyond knowledge acquisition into how people create meaning and understanding. The learning experience changes perceptions fundamentally—learners question their previous knowledge and consider alternative perspectives to accommodate new insights and information (WGU, 2020). In other words, what and how we learn can transform us in a way that change us forever.

In my shift from deep rooted patterns toward engagement with a new community, new to me literature, perspectives, activities that stretched my mind and body, and much more…I began to realize that this middle age stage I was embarking on was not a sinking ship to old age, but a “flagship” moving toward one of the best adventures in my life.

Yes, I did read and engage with new ideas and concepts, but I also rediscovered journaling and reconnected with both sketching and stitching during that time; providing space and action from which my ideas and connections could develop and grow into my research.

And so, almost by accident, I began a practice that combined three simple elements:

A sketch to visualize what words alone couldn't capture
A stitched piece - time to let my mind wander and connect concepts freely while my hands engaged with an ancient and grounding practice
A journal to reflect on the insights that appeared and discover new ones in my simple analysis practice

At first, it was just for me – a quiet ritual that helped me process my doctorate work. As I learned about adult development, it helped me process my midlife transition with more intention and less anxiety. Then, it became part of my research methodology (with one small adaptation of photography curation used instead of sketching and no stitching) and proved to be highly effective in helping participants share their story of burnout as educators in the midlife phase. I wanted to see if the addition of stitching would provide both the added time for reflection, creative exploration, and connection to self needed before pen was set to paper in the journaling stage. As an introvert, I know I (and many others out there) need and want quiet time to sit with an idea, prompt, or challenge. I took it to a small group of midlife, stitch-loving friends.

What Emerged WAS Transformative

One woman, a successful higher ed instructor, sketched her typical day and was surprised to see how little space she had for personal enjoyment. As she stitched a boundary line with bright red thread, she marked her decision to take her mornings back.

Another, adapting to her empty nest, used her stitches to visualize the new connections she could now nurture – with her grown children, yes, but also with parts of lost parts of herself.

A third discovered, through the simple act of visualizing and then literally stitching her energy patterns, why she felt so depleted by midday – and how small adjustments could keep her energy flowing throughout the day.

Not Art Therapy, Not Craft, But Something In Between

What we discovered together wasn't quite art therapy, though it had therapeutic effects. It wasn't just crafting, though we created beautiful things. It wasn't traditional journaling, though insights flowed onto the page.

It was a quiet alchemy – a process of transformation that happened at the intersection of visual thinking, tactile creation, and reflective writing.

I began to formalize this approach, to study why it worked so effectively, particularly for women in midlife. I discovered research on multimodal processing, on the stress-reduction benefits of textile arts and on the power of structured reflection.

Why This Space, Why Now

I've created Quiet Alchemy Space as a place to share this approach with a wider circle. Here, you'll find:

Practical guidance for your own sketch-stitch-journal practice
Research that explains why this approach is particularly effective for midlife women
Stories from others on this journey
Inspiration for bringing more creativity and intention to your midlife transition

Most importantly, I want our time together to help you feel less alone, more connected, and to “normalize” your experience so you don’t feel it is just you or something is wrong - as I did for several years. We are too young to start preparing for the end. This is just another beginning. How we begin to shape our lives, ourselves, and our vision for what is possible matters now. Let’s chart our next journey with informed intention and awareness.

What's Coming Next

In my next post, I'll walk you through the actual Sketch, Stitch & Journal process – how it works, why these three components create such a powerful combination, and a simple way you can begin to experience it yourself.

Until then, I'd love to hear from you. Does this midlife transition experience resonate with you? What practices have you found helpful for navigating this transition? Share in the comments below – I read every one.

Walking this journey with you,
Dr. Kerri Fair

(I include the “Dr” not to elevate myself or hope you trust/like me more because of my degree, but because I worked so darn hard for several years to earn it while working with and learning about other midlife women.)

Kerri Fair